At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
