I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
