my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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