I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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