tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
