went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
