I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I deserve this hangover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
