you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
