just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
The adults are the big ones right?
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