he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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