I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
