I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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