just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
