Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Randomize
