you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
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