i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
