You just made me feel so damn special
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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