we're blogging at a bar
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Randomize
