So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
