Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
