And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
the day after is always just damage control
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
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