Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize