so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
