Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
