we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize