God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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