I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Randomize
