oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
