Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
