I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
