Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
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