Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
