Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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