I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
