Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
