He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize