My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
