absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
