Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
