omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
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