I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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