This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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