Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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