We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
