Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
