The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
