I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
