I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
