i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
