It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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