As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
