Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
