apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Randomize
