How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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