Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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