If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
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