I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
