i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
