The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
