I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
