I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
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