His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Randomize
