and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
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