the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
