if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
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