there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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