wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
