yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
