Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
