Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
If I die, sorry about rent.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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