I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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