I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
