Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
