oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
