so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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