i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
i just made my gag reflex go away.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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