I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Randomize