wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
