it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
